ourbrainhurts

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?”

He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Presbyterian or Baptist?”

He said, “Presbyterian!”

I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you a conservative Presbyterian or mainline Presbyterian?”

He said, “Conservative Presbyterian!”

I said, “Me too! Are you presuppositional, or are you evidential?”

He said, “Presuppositional!”

I said, “Me too! Are you a theonomic, or a non-theonomic?”

He said, “Theonomic!”

I said, “Me too! Are you a sabbatarian, or a non-sabbatarian?”

He said, “Sabbatarian!”

I said, “Me too! Are you a psalm-singer, or a hymn-singer?”

He said, “Hymn-singer!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum!” And pushed him off.

(with apologies to Emo Philips)